Well, if this hasn’t just been the week of fails for me. I have shrunk clothes, made huge messes, and had absolutely bad behavior with my tone, actions and mouth. I have overspent, and very sourly flopped in my attempt at making something new. Then there was the afternoon I ripped my child’s shorts plum down the butt crack after helping him pee in a bottle following the bank drive through (don’t judge me). And honey, that is just to name a few of the outtakes. The duster thingy flew off the handle like a hundred times while I was finally attempting to remove the dust from our living room, making a fun chore even more exciting. Was the ladder level when I attempted to stand on it, you can only guess. Did I almost run out of gas, well of course. Did I punch myself in the face while pulling at something too hard, um yeah. And to top it off, I am left wondering tonight why the dishwasher sounds the way it does and why my stupid washing machine is begging for a self-clean after just 2 loads of my college kids clothing. Crying you ask, yes indeed.
I know I have had worse days, like all those years ago when we lived in the hospital. When we were barely able to feed our kids while choosing what bill got paid and what didn’t. So quite frankly, it bugs me when the small things get to me so much. Maybe, freedom begins in understanding that there is no difference when you have unhealed trauma. I was told years ago that if you aren’t going through a storm right now, then you are either just getting out of one, or headed into one. Storms, or those metaphors that encompass our emotions, can’t and don’t last forever, so at least there’s that. And I have not seen nor heard, one lightening bolt or thunder clap that I contemplated so deeply about the “why” of its depth or lack thereof. Comparing trials and storms is not what you do. You just need to remember to carry an umbrella over your head or over your heart. Does that make sense?
I wish that there was a happy, tidy little ending here. Sometimes, there just ain’t. That’s it. Life just keeps on rolling along whether you learn the lesson or not. Whether you absorb the good or the bad from what just happened. Whether you get soaked in the rain or fall flat on your butt, it would be wise to know and accept that it is part of the process. One must not condemn themselves to stay on the floor or hide from the hard.