So this week after school when the nurse was home watching the little guy, I took my oldest son to Starbucks. He looked confused and asked if something was wrong. Why would anything have to be wrong for me to have a cup of coffee with you? I said. It burned my heart and convicted me that I really was not doing a good job loving him like I should be. It is hard to manage time. Splitting it a hundred different ways, ultimately someone or something gets more while others get the left over. This is our date day I told him.
Starbucks was not busy, which I am sure was a huge relief for him since he is 15 after all. I asked him what was new and he proceeded to tell me all about other people. After listening for a minute, I stopped him. I want to hear about “you”. He seemed stuck then, not sure what to say. He just smiled, laughed and said, nothings new. Do I really not take the time to dig deep enough for him to tell me more than surface stories? Did he feel like he was getting my left overs? Ugh. I pray not. He is such a super awesome, and amazing kid. I see such greatness in his future and light in his eyes. I see such growth in the past year with maturity and decisions he has made. Does he feel like I have been a sideline observer or that I was in the game with him? Does he feel the love I hold for him?
So I intend to do better with my day dates. I don’t care if he thinks I am cool or not. I care that he knows I am in it with him. You know, this game of life. It is ever shifting and changing. The struggle will always be hard managing what to do and when and on and on. But from here on out, I vow to always make time for that cup of coffee.