This month has been a pill.
So much heartache, so much of so much.
Maybe I have been crying more due to the emotions that I feel openly toward our world, societal issues, the pandemic and isolation. Maybe I have been crying more because of how hard it is to nurture my heart as I fight my own personal battles. Can’t say for sure…just know I maybe have been crying more. Ever do that?
Reflecting.
It has been a year, since I lost 2 special people in my life to death. Selfishly I wish to check in on them up there in Heaven. Give a wave, blow a kiss. Let them see my tears, not to make them sad, but so they know their value here was deep and unforgettable. Understanding mortality is a pill of it’s own kind as well.
I know the saying, tears do not fall forever. The emptiness left from that soul gone, I think just might though. How do you combat all the heavy being thrown around? How do you organize it to keep sane?
I guess we all feel like this on some level. You can not hide under a rock to avoid dealing with our world and all its chaos right now. You can’t not mourn those you miss. And some days you are just plain ugly when it seems as though no one out there understands or frankly gives a boo. I am that ugly today. Just wrestling it all.
I miss my departed loved ones. I miss when our biggest societal issue was the debate on eating organic, and the week’s latest movie release. Maybe I have been crying a little more these days because the mourning is not just for the passing of the people, but also the passing of pre-pandemic life.
Either way, it is hard to swallow some days. That pill.